I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
