chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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