Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
