oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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