the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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