Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
