i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
