Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
