I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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