i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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