Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
