clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
