You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
