Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
