Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
