found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
