you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
