I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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