He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
