Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
