I'm so fucking centered right now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
