You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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