it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
