She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
