I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies