sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.