remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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