Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.