There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.