I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?