We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night