Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So much rum. So many feels.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
not ubering you a puppy