Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.