Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
