DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.