I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.