in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I cannot find my penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.