I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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