Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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