You're my little dorito
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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