3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
