I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
