I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
