i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
