Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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