Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
