um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
