Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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