Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
