I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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