How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
