on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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