I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
