kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
