I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
