Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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