I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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