I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am available for nakedness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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