Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
