I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thus making me awesome and them whores
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
