A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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