does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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