She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
