Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
