I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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